Activity 34.2: Revising Paragraphs for Parallelism answers

Here is one way to correct the parallelism in the two parapgrahs from the book. Remember that you may chosen a different approach; there is more than one correct answer.

I have included the incorrect paragraph with the parts that are not parallel  italicized. The red text  is the suggested correction. (And if you think there are still problems with these paragraphs, you’re right. Both could use better transitions and less passive voice! So, just  consider the parallelism.)

Paragraph 1
Whether they’re from the fifth century or hailing from the nineteenth century, historical figures have become very popular detectives. Novelists such as Jane Austen and the author Charles Dickens both play detective in recent novels by other writers. Meanwhile, the Judge Dee novels offer a fictional look at ancient China, while presenting monastery life are the Brother Cadfael and Dame Frevisse books. Cicero assists in ancient Rome, and helping to solve mysteries in Ireland is Sister Fidelma. Authors seem to write more medieval mysteries than writing other time periods. Still, there are historical mysteries in almost every time period and located in every part of the world.

Wether they hail from the fifth century or the nineteenth century, historical figures have become very popular detectives. Novelists such as Jane Austen and Charles Dickens both play detective in recent novels by other writers. Meanwhile, the Judge Dee novels offer a fictional look at ancient China, while the Brother Cadfael and Dame Frevisse books present monastery life. Cicero assists in ancient Rome, and Sister Fidelma helps out in Ireland. Authors seem to write more mysteries set in medieval time than in other time periods. Still, there are historical mysteries set in almost every time period and located in almost every part of the world.

Paragraph 2
Toxic droppings from seabirds in the Arctic may explain mysterious and dangerous levels of pollutants in northern coastal ecosystems. The finding could help at-risk native communities create hunting strategies and in learning to modify their lifestyles to avoid risk. For years, environmental chemists have been watching as toxic chemicals–mercury, dioxins, and polychlorinated biphenyls (PCBs)–accumulate in Arctic air, soils, presenting themselves in the water, and existing in people and animals. Neither being exposed to the air nor to swim in the ocean would cause the varying concentrations observed by scientists.

Toxic droppings from seabirds in the Arctic may explain mysterious and dangerous levels of pollutants in northern coastal ecosystems. The finding could help at-risk native communities create hunting strategies and learn to modify their lifestyles to avoid risk. For years, environmental chemists have been watching as toxic chemicals–mercury, dioxins, and polychlorinated biphenyls (PCBs)–accumulate in Arctic air, soils, water, animals and people. Neither being exposed to the air nor swimming in the ocean would cause the varying concentrations observed by scientists.

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